They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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