saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
