just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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