You're so nebulous sometimes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize