I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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