dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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