I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
