You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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