Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
