We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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