thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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