U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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