We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
