my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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