So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
