ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
