He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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