What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
