She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
