i would punch a child for taco bell
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
