What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
