Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
how does that bad decision feel?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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