took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize