Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
