Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
