Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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