well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have feelings that need drinking.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
