You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could fuck to npr.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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