just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
