he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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