i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I love having hate sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
