ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
