We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My balls are so social today.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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