Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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