last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
