4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
