True but thats because hes a fetus.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize