I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
