the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
