he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
