"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
