Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
