Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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