u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
