Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
