I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I faked an abortion last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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