She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
