i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
