conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
