if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didn't notice because vodka
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
