id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
