TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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