$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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