the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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