oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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