Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
