yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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