hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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