tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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