3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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