When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
