honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
