Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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