Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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