I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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