I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
