I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
