I bet he comes in French.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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