Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
